TV Time Take 2

If you’ve been following Vai’s parenting blog for a while, you’ve probably stumbled upon Heidi’s popular entry about TV time, especially as it applies to toddlers. I’m making a case for reopening this conversation because things have changed, man! 2020 has DONE THINGS to us parents. We’ll be sitting around a picnic table at a winery decades from now, mask free, and still be bitching about 2020 over a glass of chardonnay (although there will probably be several new varieties of wines by then and I’m here for it.) 

I recently read a book… yeah right! I have a toddler. I’ll start over. I recently listened to bits and pieces of an audio book called “Brain Rules for Baby” by John Medina. There’s a lot more to this book than just the stuff about children and screen time, and I’m sure it’s worth listening to. In fact, please let me know the Cliff’s Notes version of the rest of the book if you get a chance to finish it in its entirety. It’s great because it focuses on the science behind babies and their brain development, so you know it’s not just another “expert” giving you yet another opinion on how you should parent. The facts are presented, elaborated upon, and you are left with new knowledge instead of new mom guilt. 

Here are a few of the stats that stuck out to me. Trust me, I’m not laying these out here to shame anyone, they’re just the facts, based on credible studies and research. 

• “Americans 2 years of age and older now spend an average of 4 hours and 49 minutes per day in front of a screen or TV. “
• “For each hour of TV watched by a child under the age of 3, the likelihood of an attentional problem by the age of 7 increases by about 10%. “
• “For each hour of TV watched daily by children under age 4, the risk increased 9% that they would behave in bullying behavior by the time school started. “

Did anyone else have to do a quick gut check after seeing those? That was brutal, and those were only the tip of the iceberg. Here’s the catch though– no other group of parents have ever in the history of parenting, parented through what you’re parenting through right now. Have times historically been tough? Of course. Am I still grateful that my children will have been brought up in our modern day society? Absolutely. Does that mean that we as parents have to do everything in our power to try and raise our kids “the way we used to?” Short answer is no. We have to adapt. 

To those moms who are doing it all right now and thriving, I commend you. Pregnant, chasing a toddler, homeschooling a “big kid,” working a full time job, working from home etc. Whatever your situation is at the moment, you’re in the trenches. So how are we supposed to do it all, and still have time to make screen-free, brain-stimulating activities for our babies and toddlers for the 10-14 hours a day that they’re awake? The answer again is, we can’t. Unfortunately, another gut-wrenching fact from John Medina’s book is that toddlers and young children that are cared for by some other form of institution other than by a parent during the day, are just as likely to receive as much screen time as children that stay home with mom or dad. So for those parents who decide that daycare is the best option for their little one(s) because they want them to have more social interaction and hands-on experiences, surprise! The qualified adults that run these daycare centers, schools and in-home care services are just as tired and overwhelmed as you are. 

This wouldn’t be a true blog post if I didn’t offer my personal experience with toddlers and TV. I could keep rattling off the facts about screen time and development, but I’m not sure how I’d manage to get past the shame that it makes me feel. Truth is, my toddler, just like any other, has been watching too much TV lately. He’s not even two, so any form of screen time is considered taboo. Here’s how I look at it. All of our usual go-to learning experiences outside of the house are currently closed until further notice. This includes most parks, museums, indoor playgrounds and sensory play gyms. My toddler desperately needs social interaction and constant stimulation. If I can’t take him to the science museum to learn, is it so horrible to let him watch an episode of the magic school bus while he’s eating lunch? Shoot, I get ideas from Mrs. Frizzle all the time on how to better educate and inspire my kid. She’s helping me too! 

One last offering I’ll leave on the table. Have you ever considered not limiting the amount of screen time you give to your child? At first it sounds absolutely ridiculous and I understand. That being said, have you ever tried to binge your favorite show on Netflix literally ALL DAY LONG? Sure it can be fun at first, even a season into Gossip Girl and you’re still going strong. But, eventually, you will get sick of the make believe drama and desire to move on to another activity– and you’re making all of these decisions with a developed brain. Your child’s brain does not yet possess the ability to self-entertain with television all day long. I tried this on a day when I was feeling particularly sick to my stomach (actual sickness this time, not because of everything going wrong in the world right now–we’ll need a lot more wine for that conversation.) I didn’t know how I was going to make it to the 5:30 mark when my husband would walk through the front door. So, like any other sick individual of the 21st century, I wanted to spend most of my time on the couch watching Disney+, so that’s what I did. We watched approximately 41 minutes of Moana before my toddler got bored with sitting on the couch and proceeded to entertain himself with blocks on the floor. When this same toddler woke up from his nap, it was back to Disney+ for us. He stayed put for even less time, and eventually lost interest and started stacking balls of playdough. We don’t use this method often, and I can easily see this backfiring for some, but doesn’t it seem so much better than setting a timer for screen time and feeling the guilt creep in when you keep assuring yourself that five more minutes won’t hurt? Or worse, having to deal with the inevitable tantrum that ensues when you put your foot down and turn off the TV? 

Just hoping to offer some kindness and humor to this firestorm of a year that we call 2020. We’re all in this together, they say unless you’re my toddler, who’s in his own world watching Cocomelon as we speak!

Ali Bateman